red, white and so blue
i used to love the fourth of july. i hate it now. it is purely a reminder of what once was and what is no longer and that sucks and i hate it like some people hate christmas or their birthdays.
i would like nothing more than to head out to the beach and bbq or check out the fastivities in the city or go to the zoo or go for a hike and then lounge by the pool but nothing is good enough right now and i hate knowing that nothing will satisfy me today.
people have been reminding me a lot lately that it's all about my choice. how i react, how i choose to respond, how i choose to let something affect me. well all i have to say to that is it was never my choice to feel this way about today. i was given no choice and it was a complete life change for me that i had no say in or no control over. yeah yeah yeah, let go of the control, right?
well whatever. i think it sucks, still, fifteen years later that you walked out of my life on our holiday and never even said goodbye or i'm sorry or i'll miss you or we'll have out own fourth of july when you come spend every other weekend with me in god forsaken cow town.
yeah, i need therapy. fine. i should get over it. but i'm not.
Comments
I always was mad at him for it too Sar.
But really would you have wanted either of them to go on living unhappy?If they did that would have also had a huge negative affect on our lives.
I wish I was older when it happened. That way I could of been there for you..
I brought this subject up tonight..because since the 4th its been on my mind too.
If they woulda stayed together, we would not be who we are today. Maybe we would of been "better"but we would not have been US!
We never forget the one thing they did right...
They gave us each other. And the bond between sisters is not one that will fade in ten years, its not the kinda friendship that we will grow out of as we get older and wiser, and its not the type that can be replaced by another person, friend or lover.
Lets just be happy they did something right.
Posted by: Meredith Perry | July 6, 2007 11:21 PM
i know, sister, really, i do. of course i wouldn't want them to have stayed together. but he did it wrong. and i know i have to let go of that and most days i have. it's just hard around the 4th. and really any day i have something important to tell him because i know it's really never going to be important to him.
sorry. i've had a long hard day. i hope you are having a good time out there. i wish i was with you!
xoxo, sis. i love you.
Posted by: mydogwontbite | July 9, 2007 03:46 PM
Nope, I came "home" early and in a worse mood.
What I had to talk to him about just wasnt very important to him either.
Posted by: Meredith Perry | July 10, 2007 11:54 AM